The art of having presence

You know that wonderful flowing feeling you get when you connect with someone so strongly and you feel that you can complete his or her sentences? This connection is both real at the biological and emotional level (see discussion in Mind and brain: connection not only “feels” good, it is good for you). A result of being present in that moment and focused on the other person and yourself simultaneously, the feeling can in a moment lead to romantic as well as non-romantic love. That spark of connection feels so powerful and I suspect that is in part because of how it validates your own true being. Many theorists speak of the “Self” as really non-existent in an individual – rather, they posit it exists only in connection with others. It rings true to me that we learn of ourselves through interactions with others.

To be present to others, we first must get ourselves grounded in our own self-awareness. Having presence stems from a deep, sense of self-confidence and boldness within in any given moment. It is mindfulness. The art of having presence can take place not only in one-on-one conversations, but when speaking to any size group of people. The key is to tap into your presence before you start your presentation.

Some people think that you have the presence skill or not. I know that it is trainable and I believe it is critical to tap into that magical and resonant place in order to positively change the way people interact with others, in work, in politics, in any relationship. But for most of us, the times we are in that moment of high and feeling humanly bold and brilliant, only happens occasionally, and we can’t seem to get into that state without a conscious effort. How can you bring out that state?

Music is one key component for me to get myself connected to my own personal power. I have certain songs that I turn to over and over that automatically make my body move. Perhaps for others, it isn’t music but poetry, or certain thoughts or food, or maybe cooking or gardening. Whatever form it takes, the goal is to get grounded in your own confidence and as self-aware of your inner thoughts as possible. When my body moves, I relax and I am more easily able to prevent negative thoughts from interfering with my confidence. It is easy to be convinced by those negative thoughts that you do not have the right to be bold and present. But we all have the right to be true to that inner strength. I will be as bold as to say that we have a responsibility to show our compelling presence. In the art of being present to others, you get to share your own magnificence while seeing and really understanding the other person. Only with all of us tapping into our own presence will we shift the balance of the world into a more peaceful state. How do you tap into your own brilliance?